However, I am quite content in this space. My youngest child is about to graduate Kindergarten, and while I know that is true in reality, part of me just doesn\u2019t believe it is actually true. He isn\u2019t really graduating Kindergarten. First grade isn\u2019t really waiting just a few months down the road. My final baby isn\u2019t really growing up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I see the lines on our Hungry Caterpillar growth chart continue to climb, but I just don\u2019t believe that it is happening. I hear his squeaky voice, and I see his chubby cheeks and I know deep down they will stay forever. His baby teeth create a perfect smile, and they will certainly always stay. I can\u2019t bring myself to actually check and see if any wiggle.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If I squeeze him extra tight each night before bed, that will certainly keep him little, won\u2019t it? The words he still mispronounces won\u2019t ever become correct, right? Certainly, he will always sit on my lap and his hand will always fit in mine? He will most definitely always call out to me during his t-ball games that he loves me. That can\u2019t really ever end, can it?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sitting with the grief that is intertwined in the joy and pride of watching your final baby graduate Kindergarten is not for the faint of heart. As the days count down, there are times when I contentedly accept that this is the way life works. It is the striking reminder of how quickly the time does go, and the joy I have to be a part of it all. It is a complete and total mix of emotions and I\u2019m trying to make space for all of them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I rationally know that watching him grow will come with additional moments of joy and pride and, of course, grief. I am sensible enough to know that many exciting days are waiting ahead. Yet, the rational part of my brain still gives in at times to the emotions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And when the emotions run too strong, and the time seems to be going too fast, I land in a state of grief that offers me peace- denial. He isn\u2019t really going to graduate Kindergarten. And I suppose I\u2019ll give myself permission to happily rest in that place for just a few days longer.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I am well versed in the stages of grief, and I am well aware that I am living in one of those stages- denial. However, I am quite content in this space. My youngest child is about to graduate Kindergarten, and while I know that is true in reality, part of me just doesn\u2019t believe […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":306,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-305","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-motherhood"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/nataliesouders.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/305","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/nataliesouders.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/nataliesouders.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nataliesouders.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nataliesouders.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=305"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/nataliesouders.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/305\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":307,"href":"https:\/\/nataliesouders.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/305\/revisions\/307"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nataliesouders.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/306"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/nataliesouders.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=305"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nataliesouders.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=305"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nataliesouders.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=305"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}